I never meant to start a war, you know I never wanna hurt you

Right now, I'm refusing to drive my car.

It's a piece of shit and my mom told me we were going shopping Saturday and I canceled all my plans during the day to go and now shes like we're not going well I don't know if we're going is what she tells me. And I'm just pissed at her so much right now. I get let down so much.

Today: I'm not doing shit because I don't have a car.

and Cassie's being bitchy.

Tomorrow: I HOPE I CAN GET THAT CAR


This has been like the worst summer. I feel like I wasted half of my summer doing nothing but being depressed because my life is nothing but shit.

Quote of the day:
(On the phone)
Brandon: "SQUEAK! WAKE UP! Its like 2 in the morning."
Becca: "Oh my gosh is it really? You freaking woke me up."
Connor: "Yeah it is."
Becca: "Oh my gosh is Connor on the phone?"
Brandon: "Yeah is he..well its Connor Twitch."
Becca: "No its not! its Connor Smith!"
Brandon: "No Connor Twitch is Amish. He believes in cell phones though."
Becca: "Oh okay..I have like 2 classes with Connor Smith."
Connor: "Yeah I don't think you'll have any classes with me. I'm new here."
Becca: "You guys are full of crap. Why did you call me?"

I need to blog.

Some things have happened in my life that are very dramatic. I talked to my aunt today, and she told me I just need to stay strong and keep going on with my life. But I can't do it. I'm tired of doing that and telling people I'm fine and happy when I'm not. Its not fair, and I do not like telling people my problems. I'm just having a real hard time with everything right now. I feel so weak and I'm really really hurt. It seems like no one can make me feel better at all. I just want to be gone. Like out of this town. I talked to my dad last night and he told me, "Becca, I know you're having a hard time with family and friends but you just need to say fuck it and just move on. I don't like telling people my problems either and you shouldn't have to feel the need to share any of your problems with anyone if YOU don't want to. But you just need to not tell anyone anything so you won't have such a hard time. Girls are little bitches and if they think you're a whore because you have a lot of guy friends fuck them you don't need them in your life." He's right too. I let everyone walk all over me. I tell people things I don't want to tell them. I told him I can't wait until next year when I'll be out of this town and I can start all over with my life. I'm just so miserable and I cry every single night. I'm just tired of freaking everything. I used to care about so many people and try to help them but when I need help with something they're just like oh well you can do it and they just move on with their lives and they don't bother to talk to me until they need something. Its just greedy. I wanna write a book. I think thats what I'm going to do.

My sick of things list.

I'm sick of:

-People lying.
-Seeing a bunch of couples everywhere I go.
-Negativity.
-Two-faced people.
-People putting other people down.
-People using others.
-Not sleeping.
-Not seeing my parents live together.
-Getting fat.
-Being told what to do.
-Not having any money.
-Being told to go get a job.
-My car. It sucks. I wanna shoot it.
-Being sad all the time.
-Not being able to hangout as much as I use to.
-Girls thinking they are in love with someone after dating them for like 2 weeks. Get real. Seriously.
-Not being able to do what I want to do.
-Not being grateful enough for what I have.
-Being to forgiving.


From now on I'm going to do things that will make ME happy. I'm tired of TRYING to make others happy and failing. It hurts me and why should I do something to make others happy when it won't make me happy? I'm just tired of it.

What about love? Don't you want someone to care about you?

I'm so sick of the bull shit thats going on.

All I want is:

-a new car. (but I keep getting lied about to about that)
-my old friends back.
-I'm tired of being treated like shit.
-I'm tired of being used.
-I want to hangout with my friends whenever I want to sometimes I just need to hangout with my friends to get away from things.
-I'm tired of people walking all over me.
-my hair to be brown again which will happen next month.

I just hate how people think that they can take advantage of me all the time. Especially when I have a bigger car. HELLO! THATS WHY I'M HOPING TO GET A LITTLER ONE SO THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN. It really pisses me off. I've just been in one pissy mood today ever since I woke up. I'm really confused in life right now.
Right now at this point I just want to be left alone and do whatever I WANT TO DO not what anyone else wants me to do or whatever. I decide what I want to do not anyone else. I don't need people who are going to tell me what I have to do, I wish that included parents. But I'm getting really pissed at being told I'm getting a car when REALLY I'm not. I think they just tell me that so I'll shut up.

Gah talking about this just makes me want to throw things.

Quote of the day:
Guy: "Hey Rebecca."
Becca: "Hey."
Guy: "I didn't know you were here. You're the quiet one aren't you?"
Becca: "No I'm just really really mad right now."
Guy: "What happened? Did David Archuleta cancel a date on you?"
Cassie: "Haha thats a good one!"

That made me want to punch him in the face.

I tell everyone we are through cause I’m so much better without you

The past few days have been hell for me.

I feel like I'm trapped or something. Ah

Whatever though.

It seems now a days I can't do anything for anyone. Make anyone happy. This month has honestly sucked dick. I just am thinking a lot and I haven't got a full eight hours of sleep since God knows when and I'm really stressing out. I need to get away and make a full complete change fast. I'm tired of people looking down on me and walking all over me. I miss my old friends and not being able to see them is really killing me.

I can almost see it that dream I'm dreaming

Well...it's been quite a while since I've been on here.

The past three days I've been occupied with cheerleading camp. I love it so much. A lot more than I thought I would. I like the girls on the squad, everyone gets along its great.

Monday: Cheer camp.
Tuesday: Cheer camp, then Cassie, Kasey, and me went to eat at Blimpies before work. Then we all went to work.
Wednesday: Cheer camp and then Cassie and me met Billie at the Park and Ride at 6 and we all went to Funworld and saw the Hangover. Oh we met Emma and Rachel there and then we all went and got ice cream.

Today: I got up at 11 and talked to my dad for like five minutes and then I went and got Gracelyn and Cassie at the gym. And Kasey asked me if I could cash her check for her so I did that and we all ate at Blimpies. haha.

I'm in so much pain. Like I'm so sore.

Tonight: I have to stay home. I think it would be best too. I just need to and I'm so tired of staying out late and staying up late and having to wake up early. Its not healthy and its doing nothing for me. I'm just really really stressed out right now. I just feel sick.

Quote of the day:
Gracelyn: "I love you Becca."
Becca: "I love you like tater tots!"
Gracelyn: "Yeahh I LOVE YOU!"

Dreamers you see everything in color while the world is getting darker

Right now I'm alone.
And it just makes me think.

-Why do people want to ruin their life with all the shit they're doing?
-How can you say you hate someone so much and be that person's best friend?
-Why are most guys just players and use you and then never talk to you again?
-Why do your friends talk about their boyfriends 24/7 and talk about how happy they make them? I mean I care and all but it gets really annoying if its all they can talk about.
-Why are 14 year olds in a PMS stage all the freaking time?
-Why are many families falling apart?
-Why are so many couples breaking up?
-Why does someone brag about their boyfriend when everyone knows he's NOT that great as you make him out to be. He's just a dick and you're not going to get married.

I wish girls could see that they're gonna get played by at least one guy and that guy treats them like shit but they are still crazy about them. No matter how much that girl cries over that guy she still loves him. I just don't understand.

I was talking to my mom and I was like mom I'm really ready to get the hell out of this town and just move on with my life. And she said go to Fannin County I think you'll be happier there. I don't know if I want to do that though because it's my Senior Year. I have friends in Fannin County and everything but I don't hangout with them as much as I do my Union County friends. I'm really confused in my life. I hate when people ask me to hangout with them and I have plans with someone else and they just get so pissed at me. Gah. I hate it so much. I'm listening to David Archuleta right now.

You know what....I think I'm gonna make a lot of changes this year. When I graduate in May I want to take a road trip with my friends and I don't want anyone to bitch at me for going. I'm also going to follow my dreams like my dad always told me to do. He told me don't let anyone stop you from achieving your dreams and I know you have many dreams. I just don't know where or how to start. I'm not smart enough to half the crap I want to do. But I guess I need to believe and try harder. Tonight I believe I'm going to watch Sex In The City or something. I need time alone. Usually I like to go out every night. Well last week I didn't and I was sad all the time, but this week I've been out and about and I feel so tired and I just want to be alone for a while. I'm ready for a change. An extravagant change. I really want to die my hair back dark but everyone says no don't do it and all that horse crap. I just don't know what to do about anything anymore and I'm tired of feeling so lost all the time. This week has been a pretty good week but I just wonder how good things happen to bad people. It really gets to me too.

I see your face in my mind as I drive away

'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

Yesterday: I went to see My Sister's Keeper ah it was so sad.
And last night I told Marshall and my dad that I had to have the Jonas Brothers 3D concert experience DVD and Marshall was like go to walmart and i was like not by myself thats dangerous and so my dad was like i'll go with you! so we went to Walmart and he saw the dent in my car when we left Walmart.
I wish I had it on video on how he reacted. "OH MY GOSH YOU'VE BEEN HIT!!!!!" haha He took it better than I thought he would.
Then this morning I woke up at like 10 and my dad came home from getting his gun license and told me I had like a blown up tire. and it was soo flat. so he put the spare on and it was flat too so he but some air in it. Then I came to Blairsville and its getting fixed. I don't see how I can get across to my parents about how quick I need a new car. its driving me crazy.
I don't know what I'm gonna do tonight. I don't feel like driving to Funworld. Actually I'm quite scared to in my car.
I think I'm just gonna stay home and watch the Jonas Brothers DVD I got. haha

Tomorrow: I'm working at the Diamond Center.
Because I'm a grand daughter.

Friday: I'm going to a birthday party.

Saturday: 4th of July party. hopefully Billie is coming.

Sunday: Lake Day with the family.

Quote of the day:
Dad: "This was such a pretty vehicle..now...well now.. it looks like (a word that shouldn't be said on here) and Mexicans drive it."
Becca: "Its not that bad dude."